Happiness

Happiness is, was and will always continue to be a very relative and strangely misunderstood term. The search for happiness or atleast to find an answer to the question as to what happiness really means is never ending. People often lose sight of themselves in the pursuit of this so called relative happiness. People change in this pursuit. Why? Why are people, people like me and you really clueless about the true meaning of happiness? The bottom line is… do we really know what makes us happy? Are we really the true masters of what makes us happy?

I asked a few people, a few friends actually what happiness meant to them. If they really could define happiness. I got a couple of interesting and really thoughtful answers. A good friend of mine defined happiness most beautifully. If there ever could be a way to describe it, this would fit perfectly. "Happiness is a feeling, something that you experience when your needs are fulfilled". I went like "Wow". I was stumped. That was a pretty good insight of things. Being the kind of person I am, I got more curious and I decided to probe.

I ask him "So are you telling me that materialistic things make you happy?"

Pat comes the reply "No".

"But doesnt that just contradict what you just told me?" , I question further.

"Not necessarily" he says to me " You can also be happy if you are able to quench your thirst when you are relieve. You could be happy when you think of an old memory, of someone or something right"

"Hmmm". I wonder. And the conversation ends there.

That got me wondering. Can a memory of someone or something really trigger off a feeling of happiness? I tried to think of something, a memory that triggered a feeling of happiness in me. Luckily (??) I found that I had plenty to choose from. My first job, completing a tough photofeature on time (whew that was a task altogether), writing about things that really matter (sometimes that don't) were all memories that triggered happiness or in plain simple terms made me feel good. Next, I thought of the people that made me happy. Once again, I had a handful of them picked out - the ones that brought a smile to my face when I thought of them or the times that I spent with them.

At the end of this I realised something. There were plenty of happy memories, plenty of people who made me happy; but there hasn't been a single day of my life where I can look back and say: "Wow! What a great day!!" Something or the other has to invariably go wrong with it.

It was almost as if it were a crime to be happy all the time!! Alright. 24 hours.

This realization hit me like a stone in the face. Was my life this sad? In the 22 odd years I have lived, I have just 22 people or 22 memories to pick from? What kind of a sad life did I live anyway? Was I really that hopeless.

Then came another realisation (yes there was another :P)

My happiness would have been confined to 22 memories or 22 people, but it has been these 22 memories and these 22 people that have shown me the true meaning of what it is like to feel loved and wanted. What it is like to be happy. What it is like to be me.

Happily signing off!!!

P.S: First post of the year comes a shameful 4 months after it has begun. Must resolve to write more often.

A Toast!!

They say that it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them. Well I maynot have lived a lifetime but I want to take a moment and retrospect. I want to thank those special people in my life and what better way to do it than here.

This is part one. Dedicated to the MEN. The ones whom I have learned a lot from. The ones indeed who have made a difference. (No offense ladies! I started out with this one because the list is shorter :P and its more easier to put down. There is one more coming up exclusively to all of you).

So here is a big thank you to all of you listed below for in your own special little way, you have made my life more special :)

1. Mr N.Sadashivan Nair - My grandfather - The single one person whom I cannot imagine my life without. If I am what I am today its only because of you and I am deeply deeply greatful for that. From you I learned that no task is impossible and no goal is unattainable. I couldnt want more from you.

2. R.Ravi - My father - For being the kind of father that he is. From him I learned that everyone makes mistakes and life is all about forgiving those little mistakes. Thanks Acha for breaking your traditional ways and letting me be the way I am.

3. Rahul S Narayanan - My friend, philosopher and guide. From you I have learned that a guy and a girl can indeed be the BEST of friends despite all distances. He is the guy I can call up and talk to in the middle of the night, even if I havent spoken to him in months.

4. Ganesh R - My best friend - From you I learned patience and tolerance, things that I dint think I had in me. From you I learned that men are as sensitive as women and most importantly, they need to be taken care of. From you I also learned what it is like to be so passionate about something, that you forget the world around you. Thank you Ganesh for telling me that life is about appreciating the beauty of the little things around you.

5. Jonathan Lamech - One of my closest pals - From you I learned to appreciate the darker side of things. You taught me one big lesson - the art of accepting people for what they are. Thanks for all the times that you have told me not to let people walk all over me and thanks for being one of the most constant things in my life since I met you. It does mean a lot that I have someone to fall back on when everything else goes haywire.

6. Ravi Chaitanyaa - Colleague and more from IGS - Simply put - For being my mirror reflection.

7. Tarun Shan - The friend I love to hate - From you I learned the art of giving my best shot at something that I believe in. You taught me about committment and how difficult it is to stick to them. Trust me I am still learning. Most important of all, you taught me in your own little way that people's lives did matter and that is probably the one big thing that I respect you for. Otherwise Tarun, you are a jerk :P

8. Mohan Ram - My best friend's boyfriend - From you I learned about commitment of a different kind. I learned what it takes to be comitted to a relationship. Thanks to you, I have gone from being a feminist to someone who supports gender equality. :) Thank you Mohan, for making me see the other side and being the best boyfriend to one of the most important people in my life.

9. Ernest Reynold Paiva - Colleague and friend from IGS - From you I learned how to take things lightly. Thanks for being that person whom I can identify with most of the time.

10. Ranjith Nair - My brother - For being the brat that he is. For showing me my dark side. For proving to me that I can get really angry and frustrated. For making me cry by saying the worst of atrocities. However there is something that perhaps nobody else would have taught me but him - that blood indeed is thicker than water.

11. Seshasayee Gopi - For showing me the beauty of the written English language. For moving me to tears with his work. For giving me the chance to put my thoughts onto paper and having faith in me.

12. Vasanth Thomas - Colleague and Friend from IGS - For making me laugh my guts out.

13. Krishnan N - Team Leader for PE at Ajuba - For showing me that being a leader or being in charge of a team did not mean dictatorship and for simply being the wonderful person that he is and always will be.

14. Ratheesh Chandran - For being an absolute darling and paying for everything..Lol not only that, for just being the most genuine show off that he is.

15. Sam/ Manjunath - For showing me that friends sometimes are not forever. For making the three years of my life extremely memorable in a class filled with women hating men..!! For holding my hand all the times I cried and for taking turns to sleep when the exams were on. If you happen to read this, please gimme a call!!!

I think that about sums it up and contrary to what I thought, the list is indeed gone past the 10 mark. Now I know for a fact that probably not even ONE of these 15 souls mentioned here is going to read this but then, in case you do happen to read this, I want to clarify that there is no particular order of some sort that I followed while writing this. It is just names that came into my mind at random and I put them down. I guess what I am trying to say is that I wasnt trying to be partial in anyway. Everyone of you are special in your own different ways, and it means a lot.

Comments are welcome.

P.S if i have forgotten anyone please do leave a comment. :P

India Shining?

India's youth is a standing representation of the nation on a global scale. They are the torch bearers of the nation's pride - the pioneers of India's future. Some of the nation's youth have succeeded in making a mark in various fields like sports, art, cinema and business - A genre of Indians we could call global Indians perhaps? Although the achievement of these Indians are commendable and has made a difference, why is that the development come to a standstill on a national scale? The energetic youngsters who are excelling in almost everything they do, shying away from politics wherein lies the real development and future of the nation?

The involvement of youth in politics seems to be confined to election day. Some dont even go through the trouble of casting their votes, however are on the forefront when it comes to criticizing the nation's existent leaders and its policies. The politicians in the parliament today may lack morality or integrity (or in some cases, both)but how fair is it to pass a judgment on them? Its about time the focus be shifted and the youth of the country learn to value their rights and bring about significant changes in the political governance rather than resorting to complaint and criticism.

General knowledge and basic civic sense is what needs to incorporated in the school and college syllabi which concentrates mainly on science and math. It is only of a person is truly informed and educated that he/she can be truly active and productive members of the society. A thorough understanding of legal and political system of the country as well as proposing solutions to the problems faced by these sectors needs to be the primary focus.

Lack of exposure has led student political movements to take a back seat in campuses today. The government has to realise its duty towards the youth and develop means by which they can express themselves either by expansion of interschool networks or through their local council. Publications and forums that allow young people to voice their opinions must be encouraged.

The need of a young politician on the front benches suggest that age is vice by itself. No government can survive without seasoned voices. Some of the notable performers of the government have also been its connoisseur campaigners. What the nation needs is a healthy balance between youth and experience. A superior government that can lead the country into a victorious march is the need of the hour - with the young guns (hopefully) leading the way.

Confused Ramblings

The concept of God has always been a controversial one. I often wonder why. For some it is an easy thing to accept whereas for others it quite is not. For me it is not. Why? Why cant I accept that there is a God? Maybe I do. Well the truth is I dont really know.

I am a firm believer in destiny. I believe that destiny can be controlled and it is something that I have control over. I have always lived my life the way I have wanted to and hence I strongly believe that I am the creator of my destiny. I also believe that I have been put here for a purpose. Now that is something that I am yet to figure out. My purpose. I know that I am not the kind who is going to make some significant contribution to the world or something. Lets just leave that to the brainy ones and the ones who truly believe that they can make a difference. I know I am not cut out for it. I just want to lead a good life, I tell myself.

Well then why is it that I dont believe in God. Does that make me an aethesit? I am not too sure. I know there is something that is bigger than me. Something that "allows" me to write my destiny and ultimately will lead me to fulfill my purpose, whatever that is. Do you want to call that GOD? Well. Maybe it is, maybe it really isnt.

For me, God is definately not in the idol that I worship. I grew up listening to the same stories that everyone does. Stories of Krishna and Shiva. Stories of Jesus and Allah. These remained to be just stories for me. Somehow it never affected my relegious faith or whatever. It never even struck me for an instant that I was from a different relegion as my friend. If this thought could have been planted in my head then I am sure that it could have been planted in a million other heads too.

A strange thing happened to me once. Somehow I feel an intense connection with churches. There is this church that I go to. I go to this church when I am in the lowest point of my life. When I feel all is lost and I just need things to be right. I sit at the church and just talk to myself and at the end of it I wish for something to happen. Contrary to whatever reservations I have about the existance of God and everything, I got my wish EVERY single time. Did I pray at the church, NO. Did I believe in Christianity? NO. I just needed to lift my spirits. I guess this is what the term miracle means.



This is turning out to sound confused isnt it? First I say no god. Then I say yeah maybe there is...miracles. The truth of it is that I have something that I believe in. Whether that belief is what I would call faith in God or myself or destiny - I still dont know. There are times when not knowing things in itself clears out confusion and things seem clearer. Maybe, just maybe this is one of those times.

Kidnap

Film: Kidnap
Cast: Sanjay Dutt, Imraan Khan, Minnisha Lamba, Reema Lagoo, Vidya Malvade and Rahul Dev
Director: Sanjay Gadhvi
Genre: Thriller/Action
Storyline: An ex convict in a bid to settle score with the man who sent him to jail, hence kidnaps the daughter of the industrial giant, leaving behind a series of clues that is supposed to lead him into finding her.


One would expect more out of the man who gave us the blockbuster Dhoom, but sadly he disappoints. At the end of the movie, the only word that strikes your mind would be “What??”

The plot is seemingly original and pretty straightforward. Minus the typical Bollywood masala that is. The movie begins with sketchy representations of a young boy sent to juvenile prison and how hard life is for him there. As the credits begin to come to a close, the cartoon boy begins to have stark resemblance to Imraan Khan. So far so good.

The entire fiasco begins after the kidnapping happens. Although the actual act of the kidnap was well thought of, the gravity of the scene is lost when Kabir (Imraan) gravely declares that “This is a kidnapping” and Sonia (Minnisha) breaks into a fit of exaggerated girly giggles. From there on, the entire movie seems to be more of a comedy of errors than anything else. You have Sanjay Dutt and his stunt double taking turns in running for the action sequences (perhaps one of the only highlights of the movie). Would you call someone who cooks, cleans, buys you designer clothes and takes you to sandy beaches to bathe and spares your life after you have tried to kill him twice (unsuccessfully) your kidnapper? Not in a million years you wouldn’t. The various “clues” that Kabir sends across to Sanjay Dutt (to help him figure out the location as to where his daughter is hidden) remind one of those nursery rhymes that one learnt in school. How the clues are solved is left to your imagination as there is no clear (read humanly understandable) explanation available. The only good thing about the movie was perhaps that there was a big cliché avoided - a possible romance between the kidnapper and the kidnapped. Frankly after seeing so much of Bollywood in a supposed thriller styled along the lines of Hollywood, you almost expect it and the director keeps you guessing until the very end, when they meet again.

The movie boasts of an impressive cast or rather a cast that fails to impress. Minnisha and Vidya are literally dressed to kill, in fact so overdressed that one is initially confused between the mother and the daughter. Sanjay Dutt comes up with an overall decent performance, he switches between the hard core businessman to the gentle and loving father with ease. Reema Lagoo as the mother and grandmother essays her (very) limited role to near perfection. Rahul Dev’s presence in the movie as Dutt’s highly qualified bodyguard leaves you wondering if he was in the movie to simplify or complicate things further. Finally coming to the protagonist, Imraan Khan. Yes he does play a refreshingly different role compared to his chocolate boy image in his debut. Yes he manages to look like someone who is angry and revengeful. But the last thing that he can carry off is the menacing look of a villain who is supposed to give you the chills.

Music is definitely not one of the movies highlights. Maybe Minnisha Lamba in a bikini is. Confused? Well that’s what the movie can do to you at the end of 150 odd minutes. Perhaps you could watch this movie once. Not for the thrills or the chills (which is perhaps what it was intended to be) but for that wonderful and completely pointless experience called wasting time.

How to Save a Life

A favorite from The Fray -

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

CHORUS:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

CHORUS:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

CHORUS:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

CHORUS:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life

CHORUS:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

CHORUS:
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life

Homecoming

Its been over a year since I went to the house and I realize now how much of the house I actually miss. Its really strange that I have always had a knack of establishing contact and instant connections with all things that are non living. I dont know how or why but then I have realized that this is simpler that establishing human relationships. Hmmm. Maybe my connection with the house does have to do with the people living in it. My grandparents.

My earliest memory of my grandfather is quite strange actually. I remember me all of three years old, sitting on his lap. It seems to be afternoon and my grandad is feeding his only grand daughter. Now I take pride in the fact that I am one of his oldest grand children. We cousins are about 8 of us on the whole of which 6 are boys. The so called first born is a boy and is just a mere 3 months older than me. My grand parents were based out of Chennai when I was born and therefore it was only natural that my working parents would entrust me in their care. Not that I complained. Thanks to them, I never ever felt that I dint get the love or the attention that I needed. In fact, I got it so much that I can safely say I was a rather indulgent(read spoilt!!) child.

I enjoyed my afternoon meals with my grandad up until I was about 4 or 5 years old. Grandma was an amazing lady, and she still is. Although not quite as expressive as her husband, I knew that I was the apple of her eye. There was nothing that she wouldnt do for me. My memories of her include playing house house in the kitchen with her and our daily evening walks. I virtually used to push her into "Vakil kadai" and insist on "Aasai" chocolates. I would be rewarded with one everyday and it was a real shame, considering that it costed her a mere Rs 0.25.

Thus I took immense pride in the fact that I was their bundle of joy. Literally. As my cousins were born one by one, I had fully anticipated that things would change. I thought that I would be expected to grow up and take responsibility. To my utter amazement I still was doted on. They had left Chennai more than a decade and a half ago (an agonizing experience for me) and this spelt nothing but DOOM for me. I spent the rest of my "childhood" afternoons eating by myself from a plate and throwing paper rockets at a servant who stretched herself across the main door and slept soundly, oblivious to everything around her.

Coming back to the house and my connection with it. It was a lovely house actually set right across a small lake in Gods Own Country. Yes, I am from the land of coconuts and "kappa"and I have no qualms accepting it. This house was typically everything that a house in Kerala was. It was set bang in between a beautiful garden that my grandad carefully planted and took care of like his own children. My summers were spent getting my hands dirty gardening and watering the plants twice a day. I still remember I used to wake up everyday and pray that it rained so that I would be spared of this daunting task. Gardening was not exactly my cup of tea but I did it anyway just so that I could watch him beam at my shoddy work after I was done.

The house is the best house I have ever lived in. Its nothing short of heaven. It had about 5 bedrooms, 2 living rooms, a study, 2 kitchens, 3 bathrooms and a pooja room. There is an open courtyard right at the center of the house and this is where I have spent a LOT of my time, enjoying the rain when I was younger and putting some of the best thoughts I have had on paper. There is something infinitely inspiring about that house. I loved the house as I had never ever lived in something that had so many rooms in it. I feel a sense of freedom when I go there even today.

The best part about the house is that everytime I go there, I feel a sense of belonging. I feel at home instantly and that feeling is something I havent experienced even in my own home in Chennai. No matter how many times I go there, the house always has something new in store for me. There would be something that my grandfather (once an architect) did to modernize the place. I have told him to repeatedly let things be as it is but he refuses to listen. And I love discovering the little surprises the house has in store for me when I go back.

The truth is that house has completed me... and my life. Whether its the charm of the house in itself, the blessings of the people who have lived and died in that house or just the fact that the two people I love the most live in it; the house has ceased to serve its purpose. It has grown beyond that. To me, it was..it is... and will always be HOME.